The Truth of Relationship

It seems that recently many friends have come to talk to me about their relationships with their significant other and close friends. Mostly they talk of the difficulties in maintaining an interest in each others activities and of what they expect from the relationship. Their is a very important question that has to be considered when entering a relationship. What are you seeking from the other person and to what extent are you willing to give of yourself? People are generally looking for security, something that provides a comforting familiarity and an escape from the basic fears of living. Their is always the issue of love and what it means to love.

The mind tends to create psychological entanglements in relationships that are very hard to interpret. This is so because they involve deep seated inadequacies that are part of ones conditioned consciousness. Whether we want to or not, we all exist in relationship and are to a degree dependent on one another. Indeed, all of life is interdependent. What affects one affects all, whether we realize it or not. So to start one has to realize what it means to be in relationship and that "relationship" is not a choice, it is an inescapable fact. Is it possible for the mind to realize in this moment that relationship involves the whole field of existence and that the idea of an individual relationship is simply the self trying to escape the reality of what is. This statement seems simple but if you look deep inside your own psyche, you may realize the implications of the minds propensity to seek escape. What it escapes from is the truth of the moment. Truth that is a realization of the origin of all fear and doubt. It is an illusion, that you pic and choose your relationships. What a person actually does is look for idealistic relationships that mirror our desires. Relationships that full fill a self created image of what conforms to our idealized fantasies. A person cannot create relationship, it already is. But when one tries to manipulate and control a relationship then one enters a psychological morass of emotional distress. Such a mind dwells in expectation. Expectation that results in aspirational disappointments and disagreements that can only end in the violence of anger, resentment, and fear. Their cannot be expectation and love in the same moment. One defines the self (expectation) and the other is selfless (love).

So how does a person exist in a relationship of love and caring that is not simply a repetition that is seeking security. Many people exist in relationships of convenience, in point of fact most relationships are maintained through an activity of mutual exploitation. It very difficult to maintain a relationship of love because we are always escaping the moment. Because we live in fear we want security not love. Love is insecurity, the vulnerability of the unknown. Only one who is vulnerable can love. Such a being is without an agenda, love that is without definition or causation. Such a person is not looking to change the other or to make a person fit some warped ideal of the perfect man or woman. If you allow the truth of the moment, then you accept the other for who he or she is. When you allow the moment then you realize that love is really beyond conceptual security and insecurity. Now it may be possible for you to realize a relationship of love that is beyond the "conditional acceptance" of a mind that exist in fear.

All relationships are in a sense truth, because if we are aware of the movement of self, then it is possible to see the reality of who we are in those relationships. Others do in fact mirror our own conditioned existence. When you look in that mirror and realize that it is you that you are seeing then perhaps a change will take place, one that is not a repetition of the fear that has always been a part of your life. Then their will be a dissipation of the one that has been embroiled in self motivated expectation. Only the individual can realize the truth, one has to look deep within and find the origin of ones own fear. It is possible for a person to see in a moment of clarity the whole field of relationship and that one must first realize the freedom of the true self (the unconditioned) before one can truly love and accept.